It's Over

For those of you who don't know, I went to the ER on the Sun before Memorial Day for bleeding. My OB then got me in for an u/s the following Wed, the ER refused to give me one, morons. Anyway, at my u/s at my OB, there was no heartbeat. They thought that maybe the little sac that my RE said wasn't viable would grow b/c my betas were still rising. They went up 2,000 in 2 days, but didn't double. They scheduled me for a follow up u/s for this morning. I just got home and obviously, nothing in there was growing, or had a heartbeat. I have a D&C scheduled for the 18th now. I asked my OB if they could figure out why this is happening and she said they don't start testing until you've had 3 or more miscarriages. So I get to be lucky and only have 2 and no answers as to why. I am having such a hard time dealing with the thought of going through this again. Why does this stuff happen to me or to people doing IF treatments in general? How is it that people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol have perfectly healthy babies and I can't even make it out of the first trimester? It just doesn't seem very fair to me. I think this rant is going on long enough, but hopefully I can be strong enough to make it through this again.