Where I am now

I've decided I needed to start a blog to get my feelings out in a way that I haven't been able to before. My DH and I have been struggling with the dreaded IF since October of 2006. I thought it would be great to wait until a year after we were married to start trying, because of course, I would get pregnant in about a month. WRONG. After a year and a half with my OB, she referred us to my wonderful RE. After just 2 cycles, I found out I was pregnant! I was estatic, I couldn't believe that I was going to finally to be a momma. We told my parents, my best friend, and most of my husbands family right away. Around 2 weeks after we found out, I started spotting and I called my RE. I got some blood drawn and found out my beta had only went up 100 in 8 days, not good. He scheduled me for an u/s to see what was going on. There was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring a week and a half behind. He told us that we had a 20% chance of bringing this pregnancy to term. I was devastated. I couldn't believe it. December 23rd, I started spotting really badly. I knew in the back of my mind what was happening, but I just didn't want to believe it. It was the worst christmas of my life. Everyone kept asking me what was wrong and I just kept telling them that I was fine. I didn't want to ruin their christmas along with mine. December 26th, we went back down to the RE and he confirmed that there was no more baby. I cried the whole way home. I made my DH tell everyone because I just couldn't. I texted a few of my friends to let them know what was going on. Everyone was very supportive and great. But of course, you have those few people who just can't help to put their foot in their mouth. My favorite comment was "Well, you wouldn't have wanted a baby with something wrong with it anyway. So this is a good thing." Are you freaking kidding me? I wanted to punch her right in the face. Just a few weeks ago, I was at a party with a few friends. One of my friends, who doesn't know what happened, started walking up to us with a newborn baby. Luckily, my other friend decided it was time to leave then. I think she knew how uncomfortable it made me. I'm glad to have people that understand and don't have to say a word. It's been 2 months now since my miscarriage (god, I hate that word) and day by day, it's slowly starting to get better. Starting next cycle, my RE says that we can start trying again. I have all of my meds bought and I am ready to go. I want to chronicle my journey and all the bumps along the road. Feel free to join me!